


Debris After the Storm

by imademon



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 21:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imademon/pseuds/imademon
Summary: Following Tulip O'Hare's death in the finale, a look at Jesse and Cassidy on the road before the scene where Cassidy tells Jesse he hates him. Cassidy hoping to use sex as a coping mechanism for his grief and anger, channeling his feelings for Jesse into distraction.





	Debris After the Storm

They'd been driving a while. Both Jesse and Cassidy silent. Tulip laid out on the back seat. Pale, and no longer breathing. Jesse's breath caught every time he had to look in the rear view mirror. Cassidy wanted to tell Jesse he hated him. He wished he were dead instead. But then...that wasn't really true. 

At least, not the part about wanting him dead. Cassidy almost hated himself more than Jesse for having fallen in love with both Jesse and Tulip. Over a hundred years of life didn't teach his heart any great lessons. 

They pulled into a rest stop, and Jesse made sure Tulip was covered before getting out. Cassidy sat in the front seat. Angry, heartbroken, craving some kind of distraction or release. Something to detach himself from the reality of what he'd seen happen to Tulip. Of what Jesse kept him from changing. 

"It would've been different with you." He muttered, his eyes shifting to the side, as if trying to fight against his refusal to look behind him. He wasn't sure if he believed himself. That reality, and every reality he was facing was too much. It was worse than the sunlight. 

Jesse got back in the car. He'd filled the tank and gotten a snack, though he didn't expect to eat much if any of it. He too may have been searching aimlessly for a distraction. 

Cassidy had decided what his distraction would be, a rash decision as always. He lunged at Jesse, planting one hand against the driver's side door, a knee on one of Jesse's legs, and his hand on Jesse's neck. Jesse panicked, trying to get him back into his seat and calmed down.

Cassidy took his hand away from Jesse's neck for a moment, letting it hover just an inch or so away.

"I'm not gonna kill you. I'm not. I can't take the silence in here anymore." He said, breathing heavily on Jesse's neck as he kissed just above where his hand still hovered, a bit shaky. "C'mon, I've wanted this for so long." 

Cassidy leaned in to kiss Jesse on the lips, and Jesse leaned forward to meet him. Cassidy was now entirely on top of Jesse, straddling his legs and trying not to press back against the car horn. They both raised their hands up to each other's faces as they continued to kiss, until after a minute, maybe two if time meant anything anymore, Jesse pushed Cassidy's back. The horn let out a prolonged honk. Not even this brought Cassidy to his senses enough to move back to his own seat.

"Cass...I know you have. I've seen the looks you've given me..." Jesse said, frowning.

"And you've given some looks right back, Jess." Cassidy said, indignant.

"You're right, I have. And if things were different maybe this would work but. You and I both know this can't happen like this. Not with everything that's gone on. Not with Tulip..." He couldn't finish his sentence. But it was her name lingering in the air that got Cassidy to awkwardly climb back into the passenger seat. He ran his hand through his hair.

"You're right, you're right. I'm a bloody idiot," he paused a moment, idiot was a half truth, he felt like more than an idiot. He felt like a traitor, like the darker side of him gave in. Not because of a kiss. Kisses were beautiful. Kind. But because he tried using sex to hide his pain. Tulip would've hit him for that. And she wouldn't been right. He knew that. Jesse knew it too. He made an addendum, the rage boiling back up, "but you're a bloody bastard." 

"Yeah, well. Can't argue with that right now." Jesse sighed, looking into the rear view mirror for the first time without needing to.

"Let's just get back on the road, all right? This car is driving me crazy, it is." Cassidy said, lighting up a cigarette and trying not to look over at Jesse. At least when they were driving again he'd have the road to stare at as it passed him by. The only safe thing. 

"Sure thing," Jesse said, pulling back onto the road, "and don't you worry Cass, where we're going I'm sure there'll be plenty of ways you can get loaded."

They sunk back into agonizing silence. Cassidy had only managed to make himself feel worse. He loved Jesse and Tulip. And whatever happened next, things could never be the same.


End file.
